5 Things That Reveal Your Hotel As Not As Classy As You Thought

Friday, 14 May 2010 at 5:14 am Pacific USA Time.

Having stayed in some weird places, I thought I'd write a list of the top things that make your hotel room seem way less classy… once you get there. Disregard pictures on the internet.

Counting them down…

Number 5! Outside doors. That means the hotel was built WAY long ago as some sort of bungalow colony or motel. That's usually not as safe. A lot of those places don't have elevators either. You have to carry everything up and down steps.

Number 4! The restaurant staff are chain smoking while cooking and serving you. I think I had that in rural Virginia on one of my road trips.

Number 3! There is a sign in your room about how much you will be charged if you steal any towels or pillows.

Number 2! The mini bar has condoms for sale (at bizarrely high prices). I'm in town on business. But according to my hotel, I am going to have sex with someone I wasn't planning to have sex with (or didn't know). Because if I had PLANNED to have sex, I would have brought my own condoms. According to my hotel, that's who's staying in their rooms. The sexually voracious with no foresight.

Number 1! The number one spot can ONLY be taken by the Radisson in Branson, Missouri. I stopped there on a cross-country road trip, just to see what Branson looked like. Heard the commercials. Had to see it. It was basically on the way. And figured the Radisson would be a step or two up from my usual Hampton Inns, which are nice and consistent.

The room had bugs. The bathroom light didn't go on (but we still saw the bugs). The made bed had hairs all over the sheets, and some blood stains. The room smelled like pee in a garbage can. Checked out 20min after checking in, and refused to pay. Manager asked what was wrong. I said that this was a room only a crime scene investigator could love. She looked completely not surprised. Went to the Hampton Inn, where I should have gone in the first place.

That's our winner! :)

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Categories: That's Bad Marketing

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One Response to “5 Things That Reveal Your Hotel As Not As Classy As You Thought”

  1. tim says:

    you meant the Rattiestson?