Facebook Tells Me Your Secrets

Monday, 16 August 2010 at 5:24 am Pacific USA Time.

I'm weird. I tend to really listen to what people don't say… what they aren't telling me, what they are dancing around telling me. I read intentions. But sometimes, a lack of something says a lot to me.

The pics I put up on Facebook tell you story of my life. Of course, you have to be a good friend to see them since my Facebook is personal and not for biz. But for those in that circle, you know my world through pictures… where I live, who I spend time with, my pets, my car, places I like to eat…

If there is a lack of something, it's not by accident. No pictures of family? Yes, I have no family. No pictures of a special someone? Well, I'm in a new relationship, and I'm not sharing photos yet. Lots of pictures of guy friends? Yes, I'm friends with many of the guys I dated in the early 1990s. Anything that's missing from FB photos is not by accident.

So you get my story from what I include but also what I exclude. I think people are giving away more than they realise from things like Facebook posts and photos.

I have many friends who are unhappily married, and are either considering divorce or just starting to fantasise about it. Their Facebook pics tell a lot of the story when I see zero or nearly zero pictures of the wife. Pictures of pets, pictures of kids, pictures of places, pictures of other family. No (or really few) wife pics.

Compare that to some FB friends I have who seem to really love their wives. They're always posting about where they're going out. They post appreciation for her. They post mountains of pictures of them doing things together. These aren't newlyweds. Just happy couples. They haven't gone extinct. :)

Another friend of mine just split with his wife. He removed his relationship status. So it said married, and now it says nothing and is hidden. I thought it was too early to say single as the ink isn't dry, and a lot of people would ask a lot of questions. But a guy you think is married with a hidden relationship status? Could mean he's making a change.

It makes me feel like what you exclude is telling part of your story, and I'm listening. I wonder how many real life friends of my unhappily married Facebook friends know their friend is unhappily married. I can tell he's unhappy. I wonder if they get the clues or are missing the clues. How many of these people would be surprised if these unhappy people left their wives? I wouldn't be! I'm watching the clues!

I'm not saying that your FB needs to be papered with your wife everywhere, and devoted odes of passion. :) But disconnection looks like disconnection, and I think Facebook makes that easier to see.

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Categories: Just An Observation

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2 Responses to “Facebook Tells Me Your Secrets”

  1. Darla says:

    I can agree with that! I also read what’s not there. It’s fascinating.
    However, I also have to remind myself that not every spouse loves being talked about on Facebook. Good, bad or ugly.
    I, for one, have to be EXTREMELY careful what I say on FB about anything my husband does (or I do with my husband) due to his job. I respect that.
    We live in a fishbowl in real life and I don’t like to feed into anymore speculation than I am personally capable of handling.
    I have no idea why I just told you all that. Bwahahahah — I think my point is, depending on the comfort level of your spouse with facebook, determines how much you share about THEIR life. For me, it’s a respect issue.

  2. MandoGirl says:

    Yep. I’m not even “allowed” to comment on my husband’s status or interact. He says I’m being “territorial”. It saddens me (for my relationship, but happy for them) to see other people interacting with their spouses. We don’t do much pics, but he has a lot of guitar pics posted. I think I know where I stand. He also deletes all his interactions with other people. I do not, as I have nothing to hide. I notice this kind of thing on other people’s FB also. Early on when we had a really hard time, I actually deleted him from my friend list. It was kind of immature, but there it was.