Skip Branson, Missouri


Tuesday, 29 July 2008 at 5:00 am Pacific USA Time.

If you’re anything like me, then you have XM Radio, and you listen to comedy stations a lot. In between the ads for marital aids and how to surprise your lover with that new toy, you hear commercials for how you HAVE to go visit Branson, Missouri.

The commercials promise new resorts, "more shows than Vegas," and all kinds of family-friendly fun. OK I know it’s a nearly religious place, but I had to see it for myself. So on the drive back from eBay Live in Chicago to Tucson, I decided to book a night in Branson.

My first mistake was NOT being brand loyal, as I’ve been lately (blog post coming soon about that), to Hiltons. I love Hampton Inns, and usually stay there. Just tried a Homewood Suites and liked that too. But I found a Radisson on sale for Branson, and figured that would be a step up given their reputation in Europe.

Mistake. As I checked out 20 min after checking in, I told the clerk (who asked what was wrong) that the room could only be enjoyed by someone elderly with no sense of sight, smell, or cleanliness. There seemed to be some in the lobby. I told her the room needed to be cleaned by a crime scene unit. And it did. The bed had hair and blood in it. I kid you not. The bathroom light didn’t work, but I could still see a giant bug walking around. The room smelled like human waste. And that’s where I’m starting.

We escaped to the Hampton Inn, and were mighty grateful.

We didn’t really get to see Branson, but it appears to be a long street of cheesy motels that invested mostly in neon. There is mini golf on every block, and there are lots of shows. Most singing Christian families and some clean bumbling redneck comedy. I assume there are places to eat, but didn’t really see any. It just looked like a motel strip, almost like you’d find in Florida outside of Orlando, just with more neon and pretense.

A bunch of coupon places bought out entire radio STATIONS. You could listen to all these AM stations in the drive in, and each was for some place you could go to to get your Branson coupon book. And the tape looped.

So you can skip Branson. You really can. Even if you like Christian entertainment pretending to be Vegas-style shows, you can probably have a better time somewhere else.


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Categories: That's Bad Marketing

Comments Closed

6 Responses to “Skip Branson, Missouri”

  1. Judy/bluepennylady says:

    Hi,
    Branson is much more than neon lights and cheesy hotels. Now there is both at Branson but there is also so much more.
    The renowned “College of the Ozarks” is located in Branson and worth the trip to see. Beautiful hotel facility (Keeter Center) and the staff (all students) pamper you like you are royalty, incredible dining complete with their own bakery plus you can tour the College. Which is WELL worth the time.
    White Water is located in Branson. (I trained lifeguards at White water when I was MUCH younger :O) Silver Dollar City is just a stone’s throw. If you like “adventure” you can always try the Go-Kart tracks, take a helicopter ride or the “Duck”. Lake Taneycomo is just right there in Hollister which is very close to Branson
    Branson offers several great shopping outdoor malls and outlets. There are hiking trails, horseback riding, 4 wheeling, golf courses, romantic overlooks and much more.

  2. Babs Simmons says:

    I really hate that your visit to Branson was so bad. I have had some of the best vacations in Branson. There are a couple of unbelievably nice high end hotels that my family and I love. The golf is great and the people are pleasant. You can find wonderful shopping. It is a really nice getaway. I guess it is all about taste, but I would highly suggest that people visit Branson and not skip it.

  3. dawn draper says:

    Dying to know what the clerk’s response was to your complaint. Did she seemed surprised that you found blood in the bed, or was it “just another day at the Radisson”? I’ve heard some yucky hotel room stories before, but yours is the limit.

  4. Debbie says:

    She didn’t seem surprised AT ALL. She just smiled and nodded!!!!

  5. market man says:

    You sound like the blind man trying to describe an elephant. The two new Hiltons at the recently opened $450,000,000 branson landing complex, or the Chateau on the Lake would not have dissapointed you but you would actually have had to spend a few hundred for your your room. You could have had an uncompromising meal at the Candelstick Inn, or the Liberty Tavern, or many of the the over 300 restautants in town. Next trip go on the internet and plan a little bit then you might actually see the place.

  6. Debbie says:

    Ouch Ouch! I was only passing through the town and had no idea where to go!
    Sorry! Next time I’ll blog FIRST and get everybody’s input. :)