Tales from Online Dating


Sunday, 6 September 2009 at 7:52 am Pacific USA Time.

So I'm on an online dating site now. Just the one. Dropped some of the others, trying one I hadn't tried before.

And online dating is definitely an exercise in marketing. If you're not sure if it is, poke around. See what pictures people choose to show, and how they write their profile. Some people clearly had professional photos taken. You can BUY a profile-writing service! So in case you can't explain why you're a good guy or what kind of girl you want, someone can write that for you. I think all profiles using that service should be marked as such!!

Here are few that have stood out to me as a member of this site for a week:

  • I have seen a number of men mark themselves as "not" or "probably not" wanting children. But under what qualities they want their date to have, they have only chosen women who "definitely" or "someday" want children. Huh?
  • Men, please stop writing about cuddling and how much I'm not going to believe that you like to cuddle. I believe that cuddling is something that naturally happens when people feel close. If you're not going to sell me on all the ways in which you will show love when you feel love, then why are so many men writing about cuddling!
  • A 41-yr-old African American guy, whose photo made it look like he had eye liner and lipstick Photoshopped on, emailed me. I looked at his profile, and found that he has a child. I am not interested in anybody who has or wants kids. I was thinking that if someone emails me, it's polite to write them back. So I wrote him back and said that as my profile says, I am not looking for anybody with kids, but good luck finding the right woman! He wrote back that I was the wrong woman for him, and I was an idiot Jew who needed to "lose that gut." My profile has me labeled as "spiritual but not religious" and I have no references to any religion or my name.
  • I now just click "send a polite no thanks" instead of writing back. :)
  • Soon after I joined, a 25-yr-old guy reached out to me. That's too young for me (I'm 37), so I said no thanks. He just emailed me, and this email is SO outlandish, I wanted to share it.
    "Howdy

    First off let me say Your pictures don't do u justice;0)
    You seem like a fantastic women that enjoys many similar fun staff that
    any man can appreciate, BBQ"s and cuddling up on the couch that's
    Totally awesome Howdy I'm Joseph and if it's not rude of me may I ask
    how a brillant women like urself has found herself single Becuase no
    sane person would let you go, so I am curios to hear your story!"

Copied and pasted. And by the way, my profile says nothing about BBQ or cuddling or couches. As for my enjoyment of "staff," well, I didn't mention that either. :) I'd like to know how he knows that my pictures don't do me justice!

But wait, there's more craziness.

  • Before I was just clicking "no thanks" to people who emailed me, a guy emailed me. He's about 300 miles away. I wrote him back saying that as we had completely different preferences for kids, religion, politics, and he's 300 miles away, I figured this was not the right match, and good luck. He wrote me back that he really wants to get to know me. I clicked "no thanks." Any guy who can't take a non-subtle hint is not someone I want to get to know.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel…

They're not all bad. A few guys seem OK. Maybe I'll get to meet them.

So hopefully when people are back from the long weekend, I might have stories of actually meeting some of these people.

Edit from after the long weekend: Nope, the only people who wanted to meet me used words like "hook up," which is not what I'm looking for right now. Isn't it funny how easy it is to find sex, but not to find friendship or romance?


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Categories: That's Bad Marketing

Comments Closed

5 Responses to “Tales from Online Dating”

  1. permacrisis says:

    I loved the excerpt. Some women just want one man. You enjoy the whole staff!
    This made my morning.

  2. Actually, I was thinking of “staff” as a double entendre or innuendo. But a whole staff of people is fine here too… whatever this guy was saying, it made NO sense, and must be something he’s copying and pasting to everybody.

  3. Valerie says:

    But the best part is that he sent this response in its misspelled and badly punctuated form to someone he says he wants to know better. As if you would want to know a person who doesn’t bother to at least run spellcheck before he cut and pasted the message!

  4. I was more “impressed” by his ridiculous come-on lines like how someone so great as I could be single… like you know anything about me?!?!?!
    Totally wacky.

  5. Harold Cheyne says:

    The “fun staff that any man can appreciate” is definitely unintended innuendo – is that possible? Funny how some not-so-carefully placed misspellings can mangle meaning so quickly. The whole thing reminds me of my brief experience with match.com in 1995. Best of luck with the search for the right “staff” – Ha ha!