Two New Dealbreakers: Illiteracy and Bulldozing

Wednesday, 19 May 2010 at 4:46 am Pacific USA Time.

I'm using a dating website right now. I'm quite clear in my profile info and my written "About Me" type of area on a few things. For example, when I say I want men in a certain age range, that is because I do not want to date anybody younger or older. Emailing me to check you out when you are my parents' age… not gonna happen. At 38, I am unlikely to find someone who is or looks like he's in his 60s or 70s attractive.

Guys with kids are contacting me, even though my profile says I don't have kids and don't want kids. My profile has one picture of some of my pets. Yeah, I'm that person. I am NOT sure who is reading that I don't have or want kids, and thinking that she will LOVE my kids.

Welcome two new but obvious things to the list of dating dealbreakers: illiteracy and bulldozing. I wasn't ever FOR these, but now I'll make sure that I'm noticing when guys are doing this since I don't want this.

If you are going to completely disregard my preferences, and write to me anyway (like I'm going to throw out all of my standards and want someone unlike what I've stated), then I can just start to imagine what kind of boyfriend you might be. A bulldozer. I've dated that person. I think I divorced that guy actually. So I'm not going there again. I would like to be part of a relationship where someone takes what I want into consideration, and takes it seriously… someone who knows that when I express a preference, I'm pretty sure about it!

Illiteracy is ugly! Laziness is ugly. I know we all hate to read. Time is precious, and you have decided you are my future Mr Right without reading the 4 short paragraphs I wrote about myself. FAIL. I'm busy too, but I do read whole dating profiles before deciding if this person would want to hear from me because we seem to be a good match.

Maybe this all comes down to self-awareness and narcissism. I guess it's naturally a bit narcissistic to think that you are SO great that someone will want you, even when you don't match their stated preferences. Like, OK she doesn't have or want kids, and she doesn't want to date someone older than his mid-40s. But if only she could see me! Sure, I'm 60 with 2 kids, but I'm just perfect for her.

Somehow, the obese trucker with no teeth and kids reads my profile, and thinks I should get to know him. I would LOVE to hear the thought process in his head when he is writing me an email. I would love to know what in my profile made him think I was really looking for HIM.

I am only writing to people who I think could be looking for me and I could be looking for him.

Self-awareness and narcissism. I like confidence. I like self-awareness. I know a little narcissism is normal. But can the guys on these dating sites please do SOMETHING? Like read my profile and think critically and honestly about whether or not I'd really want to hear from him?

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Categories: Just An Observation

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One Response to “Two New Dealbreakers: Illiteracy and Bulldozing”

  1. dogimo says:

    There should be a “dealbreakers” list. Right there on your profile.
    Careful how you word it though, there could be a PRINCE of a childless heavy-machinery operator out there.