Wedding Vows

Sunday, 31 May 2009 at 11:39 am Pacific USA Time.

Yesterday was the 44th wedding anniversary of some of my friends. I love them very dearly, and I'm glad they've held together.

They've had a lot of challenges in the 6 years I've known them. The husband has had gigantic health issues, one after another. He even had a heart transplant last year. They've spent like years worried nearly daily about whether or not he'll live. Scary stuff.

It's made me think about wedding vows… in richer and poorer, in sickness and health, for better or worse. I think some people vow that and really mean it. I think plenty of people promise that, and either don't mean it or change their mind. You're allowed to change your mind!

But it's amazing when people mean it. And it's amazing to see the previous generation stay together like this.

I think my parents should divorce. They're evidently married 42 years now. I think they should have divorced decades ago. I just think they bring out the worst in each other. Sure, they stayed through richer, poorer, and so on, but are they really making each other's lives better? From the outside, I think they don't make each other's lives better… just more convenient like roommates make things convenient in sharing a house.

Someone was telling me the other day that his life has been a mess for like 10 years, and he said it has definitely hurt his marriage. But they're together, and it didn't sound like they were in danger of not being together. I'm glad that they're staying together even when times are bad. Hey, we all have bad times, though hopefully he'll soon see a better life than the last 10 years!

My first marriage was abusive, and I stayed in there WAY too long thinking that you stay with this, and you keep hoping it gets better. Once he saw that I stayed through that treatment, it only got worse. So promising to stay in something really destructive is NOT a good idea, and I'm not for it!

I guess I tend to compare things, especially watching how other couples interact with each other. I've seen some pretty dysfunctional things. I've seen abuse. I've heard about abusive things going on. Sometimes, that can wake you up to what you have… whether you have that same abuse, or hey, you don't have it so bad.

I guess I like the romantic idea of still completely loving someone and accepting someone even when finances are tough… even when finances are a disaster :)… even when someone is sick and can't totally contribute or isn't an equal partner… even when things seem or are bad… even when things are out of balance. I like the romantic idea of someone loving and accepting me, even when I'm fat, pimply, poor, and depressed… though I recognise that that may be a hard person to love. :)

Ah, romantic ideals. I do like the idea of two people being fully committed to being as equal a team as they can be.

June is often wedding month… so make sure you are marrying someone you truly love and accept unconditionally. If you're waiting for him to change, or you're hoping she stops doing those 10 things you really hate, cancel the wedding. My first husband eventually admitted to me that when he married me, he was already feeling distant and disconnected from me. That is someone who should have cancelled the wedding. I certainly wish he had.

Don't be afraid to cancel a wedding. Better to lose some money and possibly be embarrassed than to make this your life or make that person the parent of your child. Wedding vows. Take them seriously, or don't make them. :)

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Categories: Just An Observation

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